Seems funny to be so sad that it is our first Easter without any parents. I mean in a typical world, sure. But, today, no one gets to be with their loved ones.
I woke up this morning feeling really “okay” with the fact that it was Easter. I was okay with the weirdness that we had no traditional breakfast/brunch with one family or the other. Honestly, it kind of felt like any other day…and for this year, full of firsts without Daddy, I was okay with that.
As the day went on, it kind of started to hit me. It is my first Easter without my dad. Don’t get me wrong, we never really did follow an Easter tradition…at least not since Mama passed. And, really, even then, it was always a “leftovers” holiday. Not leftovers as in the food, leftovers as in the stragglers in our family. Whoever had nowhere to go, thats who we did Easter with each year. That in itself was a tradition I guess. Since dating Matt, we have seemed to split the holiday. Our first one, with my family, knowing it was going to be my mama’s last. The past two years, the boys golfed, the girls brunched. We all met up for a meal later in the day. It worked, it felt like a family holiday.
This year, the plan was to travel to Hilton Head. We were going to meet Matt’s parents there and spend the week. It would have been weird not being with Jackson for our first year without dad, but I knew he would be okay, Mommom or Aunt Colleen or Tes would have taken him in for the day. It would have been hard, but it would have been something. While in Hilton Head, we were going to have an “after Easter” celebration with my Aunt Joan and Uncle Stuart and Matt’s family. Again, not a tradition, but would have been nice.
Unfortunately, as we all know, God had other plans. We are all home. Daddy is still not here. We are not going to Hilton Head. We will not see our family. Nothing is right, not for any of us. And, now, my uncle Stuart joined our angels in Heaven to celebrate Easter. He lost his battle on April 9 to this horrible virus.
I am lucky I am not alone, I have Matt. He could sense my sadness earlier, even though we were trying to push through it. I had a quick cry, but keep trying to just put it all in perspective.
Not one of us is having the Easter we are used to.Not one of us went to church. Not one of us went to an Easter brunch. Not one of us is eating a big dinner around the big table with all of our loved ones. Not one of us is hugging our parents (unless, you know, you were lucky enough (if that's the right word) to be quarantined with them). This probably is not the “right” thing to say, but I oddly find comfort in the fact that no one is having the holiday they expected. I am not alone. We are not alone.
Writing this literally had no other purpose other than for me to vent and truthfully I wasn’t even sure if I had enough words to make it worth a read. But, if nothing else, let me wish you all Happy Weirdest Easter and as for today, I hope you all found a sense of peace in the odd memories you are making. Matt and I enjoyed pizza for breakfast, cutting his hair, sitting by the fire pit listening to music while he smoked a cigar and going to enjoy some surf and turf for dinner. All together, I hope we can pray for health, comfort and positivity during the next few weeks/months of unknown. Happy Easter! <3
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