Self-pity Sunday Scaries ...

Another Sunday almost over after a weekend of fun, laughs, memories made, and as per usual ... lots of tears.

Little things.  Mommom's voice on the phone, Matt making a wrong turn, Dad leaving for a week, Penguins loss, DJ’s win, watching Syracuse’s coach walk onto the court, every single time I hear Shallow... instant tears. 

I kept thinking in my head all day... “Why am I feeling this way?” “Why can’t I get my heart to slow down!” “Why am I yelling at Matt when he just wants to tell me more fun facts about sports?” “Why does my chest like it’s caving in?” “Why am I ruining all my blankets with these wet tears?” 

Then, I read my Jesus Calling book, catching up on the weekend. Yesterday’s message read:

“Be on guard against the pit of self-pity. When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face. Don’t even go near the edge of the pit. It’s edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down. It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it. That is why I tell you to be on guard.” Psalm 89:15-16

Perspective sometimes. Sometimes thats all I need. I mentioned last post, I live the best life. I have so much to look forward to, so much to be thankful for and so much happiness in my heart. 

After reading that, I really wanted to give myself a big shake, reminding myself of all those positive thoughts. 

“Why me?” is never a good look on anyone. I praised my mama up until her very last breath for never asking that question... I even mentioned in her eulogy how much faith she carried to the end, that this was part of His plan. 

Don’t get me wrong, damn life is unfair, but it is good. 

I need to be on guard. I do not want to fall into this self-pity funk. That is NOT who I am. If I want to follow my mama’s heart and gain her strength I need to remember that. 

I’m allowed to feel sad, to feel unsure, scared and “anxious”. I’m allowed to feel what I feel when I feel it. 

But I can’t and won’t let it define my everyday, especially right now when I have everything to look forward to. 

Actions speak louder than words and as I lay here tearfully writing this, I’m trying to remember tomorrow is a new day. 

I can choose to wake up with a smile. I will give my guy a kiss good bye and tell him to enjoy his trip. I will enjoy my kiddos hugs and silliness tomorrow. I can choose to laugh with friends and talk about the wedding excitement. I can choose to listen to my friends that have things they’d like to share... it really isn’t all about me, everyone has got their shit. I can go for a run after school. I can breathe the fresh air and I can choose to do the little things that make me happy throughout the day. 

Sunday scaries, often turn to moody Monday’s. But it doesn’t have to. 

Here’s to choosing to steer away (or to do my best) from the pit of self-pity and to make my Monday, simply, a new day. Here’s hoping!🤞🏼